Candice and I decided to write down three things that we were grateful for each day as our New Year's resolutions for 2014. We went out and purchased pretty journals and kept them by our bedsides. I must admit, this was an Oprah thing but Candice's mother passed away in 2013 and it was a difficult year, and this was something that I thought would be good for us.
Neither one of us read each other's journals This was meant as a personal exercise. So after Candice died, I waited until everyone had left and I was alone in the home and searched for her journal. It was something I was eager to open as it was her last written thoughts before she knew she was dying. Although neither one of us kept up with our journals, what Candice wrote deeply moved me and has been a reference point during my dark days this year.
Below are some excerpts from Candice's gratitude journal in January 2014:
People tell me that time is the only healer for the pain that my heart feels each day.I know this to be true. However Candice and my journey together has helped guide me to move forward. I remind myself daily of our lives together and our priorities and I continue to ask myself-how would Candice want me to live?
I have waited to share part of Candice's journal until this month. My family has always had a tradition of going around the table to express what we are thankful for. This always felt silly growing up, but holding Candice's journal makes it clear to me just how important it is to be thankful particularly during difficult times. Candice wrote in her journal during a very difficult period in our lives personally.
No week has been easy this year. But next week will be particularly challenging as I face another series of "firsts": Candice's birthday and Thanksgiving. I will be spending the holiday with my sister's family in DC (where Candice and I celebrated her 40th birthday last year). I am not sure I will be able to openly talk about what I am thankful for at the dinner table next week as I think it would be just too difficult. However, if I was to create a list-it would mirror that of Candice's.
All I know is that I was so very blessed to have Candice in my life. I am grateful that I know that she felt the same way about me. In the end, this is all that really matters.