Let’s be honest - you are a month of conflicts. I think we both know that you are a tricky month full of treats. In your dwindling daylight, you ensure we have respite with pops of brilliant reds, yellows, and oranges! Your colors wave proudly on tree limbs awaiting a gust of wind to disperse them wildly onto the earth's floor, “leaving” us quite an act of labor to ensue.
I love you October, but you have been the hardest month to pass through since Candice's death. Here I am, with you, but absent my favorite pumpkin. It's just not the same and the reality has settled in. I am here and she is not. We had plans for you this year, but they were not to be and the pain runs deep and my heart aches in a different and more heavy way. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy your beauty and given that it is a "spirited" month, Candice doesn't disappoint me with her continued companionship (albeit a different form). It is just-I miss her and it is just - that simple. I continue to run my parallel life-the one where I am part of the living whilst also embarking on a spiritual relationship with Candice. I know for sure, this dichotomous adventure feeds on appreciating life and trying to live it to the fullest. I live for two now.
But enough about me-back to you- October.
You have the honor of holding some very important dates:
So October, as you come to a close and we enter a month of “giving thanks”, I wish to thank you for your gifts. I also can't say thank you enough to my steady and ever growing support system. I am overwhelmed by the constant stream of kindness and love of so many of you. I feel like I am falling short as a human trying to show my gratitude in return. However I know - in time I will be able to "pay it forward".